Could You Be My Number Two

the song that i think basically tells all about you and me...
and my answer basing from what is happening is so apparent! YES!
i seem to be loving you more everyday...even the things that i should hate you for i love!

there are so many questions in my mind now...
is it really possible to love two persons all in one time?
how can one say that you love the other and say you are happy with me?
that confuses me...it confuses me more that you dont me to be out of your life...
what is it really that you want and need from me? what is it that you are really afraid of?
i can feel all the apprehensions that you have about me and about the people i have been with...
i think you dont trust me...i think that you are afraid that ill just leave you...
how can you think such things when now, at this time and at this moment it is already so hard for me to do walk away...

this will definitely be not an easy love... a lot of people will be affected, probably disappointed, shocked, angered...but i cant live my life according to other people...if i do i will never be really happy...i chose you...even if you didnt choose me...

Northern Star

i just needed to write...
i just needed to let out how my heart is breaking at the moment
i just want for one minute, for this moment to give in
i just want to say i really dont want to let you go...
that ill miss you...that im thankful for the times you made me feel good and safe and loved...
ill miss how you try to let me know that you pay attention...
im thankful for those times though brief that you took care of me
ill always remember the time you said i love you and i closed my eyes and hoped that it was real...


for whatever reasons you were brought into my life and me in yours, i believe you are one of my Northern Stars...
pointing me again on my way to LOVE...

AGAIN

i am once again consumed by you...thoughts of you, dreams with you but never a future with you...

why do you have to let me know the things that you are going through and feeling? God i was so proud already that i was able to walk away, scar free and scandal free but why wouldnt you let me? or should the question be why cant i stand firm on the decision that i already made...answer to that is so apparent...because i feel something for you..its definitely not love yet! but its an attraction that is so strong that its fatal...i know what i should and need to do but im finding it harder this time thats why i really want to kick myself so much...someone told me that i should stand by what is right and i agree, it just sucks that what is right is so hard to do...

i guess i just miss the closeness of what two people share in a relationship...the sweet nothing whispers, the tight hugs after a long day, or just holding each other hands that seems to reassure me that everything will be alright... but only on stolen moments...is that what i want for me? is that what i deserve? dont i value myself more in the sense that i should be given more...i should learn how to ask for more with regards to love because we all deserve more...

i know i will always care for him...i will always look at him in the way that i am looking at him now but he is not mine to keep...and praying to God and actually pleading Him to give me the strength to save myself from all this. I know He will..i know that he is giving me the grace to be able to i am just being stubborn again but I am hearing you Papa God...I am hearing you well...