same shit, different day

i am still in the same shit with you...going through different days...
and its getting harder and harder to untangle myself in this cobweb...
i hate it that i am such a lying bitch in front of everyone about you or about how i feel for you
i hate it that i am hurting now...
its so hard giving up what i have with you now even if its just bits and pieces...
i hate it that you worry about me because it endears you more to me..
all of me hopes that its me that you will choose in the end but God there is no way that is going to happen...

lord...is this a test again? your letting me give up the things that makes me run this days...
you are making me give up the things that makes me happy and that is the community...
i dont understand...
i dont know how i would be able to explain, or to justify what i needed to do and what i must do to the community...
but i also cannot be the hypocrite that i am right now about this love...
arghhhhhhh!

Dear YOU

If i were to write you a love letter..i think it would go like this...

im scared...im scared of how much i am loving you already and how much i am needing you...i am scared na you always light up my face when you walk in the room...im happy knowing your there...near though far...it scared me that i always chose you over someone that i can call mine...

it hurts when you make plans and its not with me...it even hurts more when you say sorry because i know you didnt mean to hurt me...

you often ask me why i love you...i dont know eh..i simply just do...i may not know all that you are, and all that you are not, but it doesnt seem to matter, all i know is that i want to make you happy and protect you from all the things that could hurt you...

kaya i have to stop..i have to stop loving you...and worrying about you and thinking about you...because its not right for me to love you this way or this much...

this is sooo hard you know why...because im also stopping the happiness i found in you...i will miss you so much...i will miss so much the pieces and scraps of heaven i found with you...

i just need a favor though help me forget you...you are my weakness...i can stand firm on a lot of things about my decisions in my life..but when it comes to you, i always crumble and give in...

i have a lot of regrets in my life...falling for you, loving you even if it was wrong will not be one of them...

thank you...thank you so much for making me happy, for caring for me in the way that you know how...i hope i was able to show you how much i care as well...

i remain a friend. i love you.