I cant say that 2010 passed by like a blur...it was definitely not a blur...all i can remember was the 2 major heart breaks i experienced.. one way or another i knew then that the year was doomed when it comes to LOVE... I lost the greatest love of my life to what is right and up until now i am questioning myself if that was right...and i lost a childhood love, the boy whom i once knew but turned out to be a big disappointment... LOVE was simply not on my side this year...i was hit wave after wave of heartaches that even the ones that can be or possible... i gave up on them... i think because i was on the thought and realizations that i don't want any more bullshits ...i want something real and mine and mine only...and if i have to wait and if that means i need to be lonely and sad while waiting then by all means ill be... but i also know that i need to put myself out there...how can i find him or be found if im cooped up at home and enjoying solitude...truth of the matter is, im so chicken shit!...im scared to hope and to even like a guy! there are guys that are worth considering... guys whom i know i like..their personality as well as the way they treat me or make me feel special...but there are so many facets of me...i seem to adjust who i am to the person i am loving...i dont know if this good or bad but for me each one of them gave me something that of course changes me forever....i am all of them...i am grounded as hell but at the same time very feisty... i am sweet but can be a bitch..i can be a woman and a little all at the same time...question is can you deal with me and would you ever get all of my angles.... i am so tough to love...but man when I LOVE YOU, you are my everything hands down...
work turned into a down-hill as well...not because it was my doing or my fault but because of matters that are out of my hand...i still love what i do but given the circumstances the company is into i cant do anything but make do with what is given... as much as it depresses me it also makes me hopeful that things can be better one day not just for me but for all of my colleagues...a merger with another telco boosts us up into the 3rd largest telco here in cambodia, but that merger also means jobs that we all may not have at the end of the day...but as what i keep on uttering since yesterday that "His will be done and i trust in his ways for me"
Posted on LiveJournal December 23, 2010
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