Pokerface

it means " not showing your feelings or your thoughts or your emotions via your facial expression" I seem to be perfecting this kind of face these days...One look at me i look fine...as if everything in my world is just right...they dont know that i have died inside without you...how do you do it? i want to know...i'm trying so goddamn hard to be okay, to try to live, have a life...but no matter what i do or say you are my life...my family and friends are quite divided on their opinions...some are saying that we have already told you that this will happen...mommy said to give you time, for me to be patient and work is a good distraction...some say to just move forward...ta yhen said this break-up is nothing new.. hehehehe, i seem to be agreeing with all of them...i tried to focus on work but its so hard, i tried to look forward to going home but i cant find the excitement anymore knowing that you wont be there....i sleep so early this days just so i wouldnt go crazy thinking about you and wondering if you are okay...i cant stand looking at your pics or read your previous mails cause i suddenly find myself crying because i miss you so much...i let myself go when i write because as you usually put it, this is my love letter to you...here i can tell you with so much freedom how much i love you and how much i am willing to endure and wait for you...i pray everyday for you that you are okay...and that you are smiling...i pray that you know how much i love you and that i am here...once the pages of this blog is closed...i am once again pokerfaced